


Protection from Evil and Good

by azhdarchidaen



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Spoilers for Episode 58, just 'cha boy doing some thinking, the idea of Magnus also exists but he's not actually present
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-10-05 09:58:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10304081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/azhdarchidaen/pseuds/azhdarchidaen
Summary: In the wake of everything that's gone down, Taako has some thoughts about trust.Namely: it might be out to get him.





	

_“I’ve updated my list of ‘people I trust and things I believe’ to ‘no one’ and ‘nothing’.”_

Just steps outside of the Fantasy Costco, Taako bit his lip as his own words came back to him. He’d said them under stress, but he’d hoped he meant them. The alternative was too messy. Better to shut that door entirely before things went any further south, like they always did. Nobody made it into the Taako good books anymore, not even if they wanted to.

But if he knew anything about himself, it was that Taako’s brain did not have a direct line to Taako’s mouth. Shit had to pass through all kinds of checks before he’d made sure it wasn’t too emotional or something. That it still fit his brand. So while blatant honesty about his very real mistrust was something he could express (and he had done so as he did so many things -- theatrically), the complicated feelings it tangoed with were another story.

“Trust” was not a word Taako liked using in his vocabulary -- “tolerate” maybe, or “wary rapport”. No open arms here. He knew that extending them was a great way to get stabbed in the back. And if anyone asked, that had always been true.

Except that was a big ol’ bluff check waiting to happen.

Fingers tapping idly in what anyone who knew him closely -- something he liked to think he kept to a _minimum,_ thank you very much -- would recognize as a tell, Taako found his mind wandering to a scrawny elfling sitting on the back of a parked wagon, wiping tears away because he’d overheard plans for the caravan he was traveling with to leave him behind next town they stopped at. To an elf who still hadn’t grown into his ears ducking into an alleyway in an attempt to evade a group of enraged mercenaries who’d had a member slink off in the night with their earnings, but not before framing their cook. To just months ago, when the Temporal Chalice had shared with him the gruesome details of his most infamous memory.

Hell, it was entirely possible he’d added another possible betrayal like an hour ago. Or whatever. He had other shit on his mind besides keeping track of time.

There wasn’t enough magic in Faerûn to pull it off, but if he could travel to the past, he’d have something to say to that first kid. Not words of comfort though. Something a little more like _“Guess fucking what, pumpkin? You keep on making the same mistake, so wisen up a little and give us both a hand here, okay?”_

Or maybe exactly like that. He’d spent a little too much time thinking over the specifics. The rest of the fantasy went a little something like “and then Taako figured out how to obliterate anybody who meant him harm _before_ letting them into his life” and it was pretty awesome.

There was a reason he’d slammed the “Forsake” button back in Wonderland, and it hadn’t been his at-the-time probably-broken ribs. Well, hadn’t _just_ been the ribs, because the taste of copper bubbling up in his throat had also been pretty persuasive. But that’s what you got for someone in your party pressing the fucking “Trust” one first time around, right? The word was like a curse.

He figured all that was enough reason to hope he was telling the truth when he said his trust levels were at zero. Because when they were anywhere else, it meant he was about to suffer the consequences. Since he never fucking _learned_.

And yet the facts, as they lay currently, were these.

Taako had written a note for Magnus. (A note that began with the very word he was maligning, because apparently he had the audacity to demand it of someone else)

Taako didn’t know exactly what the human’s plan was, but he was going along with it.

Taako was leaving Fantasy Costco minus one sapphire.

 _“Is it at least a sliding scale?”_ Magnus had asked after his declaration earlier, and he’d shot that down faster than you could say “Nope. Nuh-uh. Not again.” No more trust for Taako, not until he learned how to keep it from backfiring.

Except the funny feeling he harbored in his gut told him that his brain was doing more thinking than that.

Usually when his misplaced trust took a massive blow, Taako cut ties and chalked it up as a loss. He was used to going it alone anyways. He’d call himself an idiot for letting someone in again, then move on with whatever broken pieces he had left. That ability was why he was still kicking, baby! Even though he was stuck investigating this freaky shit, he ought to have distanced himself emotionally by now!

Nothing explained why he felt, of all things, upset.

Taako always blamed himself when things went sideways like this. For not being more vigilant. For letting down his guard. The world was full of bad people and he kept managing to forget that. He shouldn’t let himself get attached enough to anyone to think better of them.

Especially when those people admitted they’d been keeping secrets.

_Dammit, Magnus._

After a stunt like that, Taako shouldn’t feel like he had any loyalty to the man anymore. This was like, textbook red-flag planting. Might as well install a big flashing sign that said “Taako, you’re going to get hurt again” too.

Except there was a feeling getting in the way.

It was the same feeling that meant he still felt like telling Magnus his dumb plans were dumb, and they might result in his getting hurt, and that maybe they should avoid that -- because what the _hell_ had he been thinking when he suggested telling Davenport he was a dangerous artifact? That had him haggling with Garfield for a chance to fix the whole mannequin situation. That resulted in arguing with Magnus over the cloning pod.

That meant he was terrified of the idea that Magnus might forget him entirely.

You weren’t supposed to _feel_ that way about someone you didn’t trust, not if you were smart, or didn’t want to get hurt. Not if you’d ever fucking learned anything from getting burned before. Which lead Taako to an uncomfortable conclusion.

Despite what his instincts were screaming, he did still trust people.

He still trusted his _friends_.

And boy, was _that_ a loaded word, but he didn’t exactly have a better one. He nervously glanced over at Merle, who was walking next to him, as if he was scared just _thinking_ that of the guys he’d spent over a year with now would trigger some kind of reaction. Like there were traps sent to go the minute he admitted to himself there were people he was close to, especially now.

But the dwarf was silent, gaze fixed in front of him in determination, or something. He was taking this better than Taako had. _He’d_ actually managed to say goodbye.

Taako still felt sort of bad for that.

But what was he supposed to say when a person he trusted -- despite the _fucking_ odds of that -- was planning some reckless shit that could erase him from their memories forever? He wasn’t even sure which part of that upset him more! That Magnus could get hurt, or that Magnus could be completely fine and still fix him with a blank stare when Taako saw him again, months of adventuring and training and just plain dicking around gone for good.

Years of thinking of trust as a poisonous thing had lead Taako to believe he had to avoid it at all costs. Because some asshole would come along, and use it to hurt him. It was what lead him to vocally deny to two of the only people in his life he’d ever _really_ trusted that he had any shreds of it left in him. And what made him wish that was true.

But here was a side of trust he’d failed to consider. Never really had much chance to, sure, but hadn’t really thought about either. Sometimes, maybe, trust hurt for a different reason. Not because of someone out to get you, or who'd twist it into something awful until you regretted ever letting them in, but because putting that much faith in another person meant you had a weak spot where they were concerned.

He didn’t know how he felt about that. Usually it’d be an easy call -- weak spots were a no-go in the Taako-sphere. But if he was so repulsed by the idea, why did thinking about Magnus _forgetting_ make something inside him crumple? Was this what the “good” kind of trust did to you? Make someone so important to you that you were willing to take a hit instead of severing ties and never looking back?

Taako didn’t know how to protect himself from that kind, when it wrapped itself up in something he wanted so much. Because, fuck it, he had friends, okay? He _liked_ having friends. He wouldn’t go and _say_ it, but having people like them in his life was probably good for him.

Probably.

There was still that whole “take a hit” thing.

It was a lot to think about, and he didn’t have the time to process any of it. Not when everything around him was going all crisis mode. Even if he felt like lumping the good kind and the bad kind together and applying his age old strategy of running the fuck away, it was too late.

Taako only knew one thing for sure -- for almost all his life, he’d operated under the assumption that trust hurt.  
  
Whatever the kind he was dealing with, he was right.


End file.
